The Master Pie Chart of Time
One of my favourite exercises to do with families is the “Pie Chart of Time”. Each person is given a circle and are first asked to fill it in with how they spend their time right now.
I remind them to include:
(You might as well do it too! Grab a scrap piece of paper and get drawing.)
Once they’ve both done that, then they will each draw a new circle and use this one to lay out the time that they’ll spend caring for the baby while, if, both parents are at home. Some partners have one week of leave, some have two, other than more so this is done for whatever time is *exclusively dedicated* to newborn care. For partners who “work from home”, this pie chart only includes the days that they will not be working at all.
Twelve hours from each pie chart *has* to be dedicated to baby care, and the same amount of sleep each person put in the pie chart in the first part of the exercise is now put in this pie as “sleep/rest/alone time”. With the time left, they can decide (hypothetically) how they’d like to spend it.
(Your turn! Go for it.)
Be very clear that the amount of time you have pre-baby is now drastically different than before and it is absolutely impossible to do everything you did before.
In my opinion, what needs to be a priority on your pie chart?
And no, exercising with your baby is not the same thing.
In general, during the day, it’s a myth that you can sleep while baby sleeps so that’s why I ask you to include your rest separate from the time that you are caring for the baby. Yes, sometimes the rest might happen with the baby but it should not be an expectation and it’s better to plan for the opposite just in case you don’t get a unicorn/bassinet baby.
I also ask that each partner put in 12 hours with the baby so that it’s clear that while one person is with the baby, the other can/should NOT be. That’s the way that things like REST, exercise and personal hygiene get done.
Then, the last two circles are for what happens when someone becomes the primary caregiver and the other person goes back to work.
I think this step is extra important so that expectations are still being managed about the primary caregiver’s time (especially because the caring for baby usually exceeds 12 hours) and it also allows the partner to step up. If your partner is willing to sacrifice sleep to care for the baby, please let them. It’s their baby too and the time between work and sleep is absolutely critical and crucial bonding time. They might work for 10 hours (give or take and remember to factor in travel), they’ll sleep for 6 hours, 1 hour for personal care/hygiene, and then they have 7 hours to hang out with the baby, take care of you, and do things around the house. They have more than enough time + energy to spend with you and care for your baby so (again… and I know, I know, I’m a broken record but) let them take care of the baby and everything that needs to be done when they get home from work.
And when they do that, take that first hour *exclusively* for you. Take a shower, sit on the front stoop, call your best friend. Then you can worry about laundry, food, everything else baby.
If you don’t take an hour for yourself, you will never get it.
So please please please take it, shamelessly, every single day, religiously, and fully.
One of my favourite exercises to do with families is the “Pie Chart of Time”. Each person is given a circle and are first asked to fill it in with how they spend their time right now.
I remind them to include:
- Work
- Sleep
- Personal hygiene + care (shower, bathroom breaks, hair, shaving, make-up, etc.)
- Exercise
- Furry friends (walking, petting, feeding, etc.)
- Friends + family (either spending time with them, calling, messaging, social media, etc.)
- Home chores (laundry, sweeping, dishes/dishwasher)
- Travel time can either be included in the activity or as a separate category
(You might as well do it too! Grab a scrap piece of paper and get drawing.)
Once they’ve both done that, then they will each draw a new circle and use this one to lay out the time that they’ll spend caring for the baby while, if, both parents are at home. Some partners have one week of leave, some have two, other than more so this is done for whatever time is *exclusively dedicated* to newborn care. For partners who “work from home”, this pie chart only includes the days that they will not be working at all.
Twelve hours from each pie chart *has* to be dedicated to baby care, and the same amount of sleep each person put in the pie chart in the first part of the exercise is now put in this pie as “sleep/rest/alone time”. With the time left, they can decide (hypothetically) how they’d like to spend it.
(Your turn! Go for it.)
Be very clear that the amount of time you have pre-baby is now drastically different than before and it is absolutely impossible to do everything you did before.
In my opinion, what needs to be a priority on your pie chart?
- Rest/sleep
- 30 minutes of exercise (sans baby)
- 30 minutes of personal hygiene + care (sans baby)
And no, exercising with your baby is not the same thing.
In general, during the day, it’s a myth that you can sleep while baby sleeps so that’s why I ask you to include your rest separate from the time that you are caring for the baby. Yes, sometimes the rest might happen with the baby but it should not be an expectation and it’s better to plan for the opposite just in case you don’t get a unicorn/bassinet baby.
I also ask that each partner put in 12 hours with the baby so that it’s clear that while one person is with the baby, the other can/should NOT be. That’s the way that things like REST, exercise and personal hygiene get done.
Then, the last two circles are for what happens when someone becomes the primary caregiver and the other person goes back to work.
I think this step is extra important so that expectations are still being managed about the primary caregiver’s time (especially because the caring for baby usually exceeds 12 hours) and it also allows the partner to step up. If your partner is willing to sacrifice sleep to care for the baby, please let them. It’s their baby too and the time between work and sleep is absolutely critical and crucial bonding time. They might work for 10 hours (give or take and remember to factor in travel), they’ll sleep for 6 hours, 1 hour for personal care/hygiene, and then they have 7 hours to hang out with the baby, take care of you, and do things around the house. They have more than enough time + energy to spend with you and care for your baby so (again… and I know, I know, I’m a broken record but) let them take care of the baby and everything that needs to be done when they get home from work.
And when they do that, take that first hour *exclusively* for you. Take a shower, sit on the front stoop, call your best friend. Then you can worry about laundry, food, everything else baby.
If you don’t take an hour for yourself, you will never get it.
So please please please take it, shamelessly, every single day, religiously, and fully.