Self-Havening
Most people hire a doula because they’re looking for a little crunch, but this is probably even more crunch than you were expecting.
Self-havening is something I was introduced to via Yiska Obadia who is an amazing bodyworker doula in the states, and the first time I did it even I was a little bit unsure. Intellectually, at least, I was a bit hesitant and resistant to the practice and although my mind was a bit resistant, I felt how my body immediately melted. And then I begin to think about how many times in labour I watched birthers do it, with and without an epidural. And then I saw how many parents do it to their babies, over and over when they’re little, and it all just made sense. It’s intensely and intuitively calming, it’s a way to protect ourselves against trauma and then work through trauma if we have been imprinted or if there is some residue. It’s self-regulation, it’s self-soothing, it’s self-anchoring.
So, even if you don’t watch any of the other videos on self-havening, just try this with me. Self-havening, essentially, is doing one of three self-stroking massage touches, usually while thinking of a future scary, worrisome, anxiety-producing or even past traumatic event. The first one is rubbing downwards from the shoulders to elbows, so try that now. The second one is rubbing the palms of the hands together, so let’s do that one. And the third one is running your hands down your face. So as you’re self-havening, you’d see or think about the event, then do some self-havening, and then do some visualizations. In the link below, the woman instructs the listeners to imagine they’re in a big beautiful soaker tub and to allow the worries or memories to melt off them and fill the bathtub water. Imagine seeing the bathtub water be grey and dirty with the worries, and then you’d self-haven and watch as the water changes from that dingy, dirty shade of grey to beautiful, clear, pure, warm, sparkling perfect bath water. Then there’s a visualizations where you take 20 steps on the beach, away from the worries, 20 steps in a garden, all while havening.
I’ve done quite a bit of reading on this and even without doing the reading and even if there was no evidence to support that this is a healing practice, I find it is so comforting. If you find it comforting, I’d consider using it as labour prep and if you like it and want to skip the visualizations then I think there’s already a crazy intense amazing value in self-havening first thing in the morning before getting out of bed, while waiting for something in the microwave or oven, maybe even in the car before and/or after a medical appointment.
Just to go back to something I said at the beginning of this video, in hindsight I’ve seen so many birthers self-havening that I’m honestly kind of surprised I hadn’t identified the trend before. Between contractions birthers are constantly rubbing down their arms, rubbing down their legs, rubbing their hands together, rubbing their face… So even if you don’t end up using this self-havening practice in your life now, keep it in your back pocket for labour as something that you can use and it might even be something that I do to you as passive encouragement or as an active regulation tool.
Most people hire a doula because they’re looking for a little crunch, but this is probably even more crunch than you were expecting.
Self-havening is something I was introduced to via Yiska Obadia who is an amazing bodyworker doula in the states, and the first time I did it even I was a little bit unsure. Intellectually, at least, I was a bit hesitant and resistant to the practice and although my mind was a bit resistant, I felt how my body immediately melted. And then I begin to think about how many times in labour I watched birthers do it, with and without an epidural. And then I saw how many parents do it to their babies, over and over when they’re little, and it all just made sense. It’s intensely and intuitively calming, it’s a way to protect ourselves against trauma and then work through trauma if we have been imprinted or if there is some residue. It’s self-regulation, it’s self-soothing, it’s self-anchoring.
So, even if you don’t watch any of the other videos on self-havening, just try this with me. Self-havening, essentially, is doing one of three self-stroking massage touches, usually while thinking of a future scary, worrisome, anxiety-producing or even past traumatic event. The first one is rubbing downwards from the shoulders to elbows, so try that now. The second one is rubbing the palms of the hands together, so let’s do that one. And the third one is running your hands down your face. So as you’re self-havening, you’d see or think about the event, then do some self-havening, and then do some visualizations. In the link below, the woman instructs the listeners to imagine they’re in a big beautiful soaker tub and to allow the worries or memories to melt off them and fill the bathtub water. Imagine seeing the bathtub water be grey and dirty with the worries, and then you’d self-haven and watch as the water changes from that dingy, dirty shade of grey to beautiful, clear, pure, warm, sparkling perfect bath water. Then there’s a visualizations where you take 20 steps on the beach, away from the worries, 20 steps in a garden, all while havening.
I’ve done quite a bit of reading on this and even without doing the reading and even if there was no evidence to support that this is a healing practice, I find it is so comforting. If you find it comforting, I’d consider using it as labour prep and if you like it and want to skip the visualizations then I think there’s already a crazy intense amazing value in self-havening first thing in the morning before getting out of bed, while waiting for something in the microwave or oven, maybe even in the car before and/or after a medical appointment.
Just to go back to something I said at the beginning of this video, in hindsight I’ve seen so many birthers self-havening that I’m honestly kind of surprised I hadn’t identified the trend before. Between contractions birthers are constantly rubbing down their arms, rubbing down their legs, rubbing their hands together, rubbing their face… So even if you don’t end up using this self-havening practice in your life now, keep it in your back pocket for labour as something that you can use and it might even be something that I do to you as passive encouragement or as an active regulation tool.