Why Month 2 Can Be Harder Than Month 1
“Once we’re in the swing of things it’ll be good,” or “It’ll just take a few days to figure out and then we’ll have our bearings.”
Sometimes I hear those things from families and sometimes they’re true -- except when they’re not.
This is not meant to be a video to scare anyone, discourage anyone, shame anyone or pretend that I can tell your future. This is a topic that I’ve been encouraged to mention and speak about by past clients to create a little bit of solidarity cross-care in the chances that someone in the future that I’m supporting could use to hear a message from clients and families from the past that I’ve supported.
And their message, our message is this: sometimes having a baby doesn’t get easier after a month. Sometimes there are tongue-ties that go undiscovered for weeks and are discovered in week six or seven once baby tries to take a bottle for the first time, or maybe they’re not as sleepy or content to sleep alone and all of a sudden want to be velcro-ed to you, or maybe you gave birth in late fall and were able to enjoy walks the first four weeks and then winter rolls in with huge thunderstorms and you’re stuck at home for weeks with no way to leave safely or comfortably. Maybe your partner goes back to work and life seems to go ‘back to normal’ for everyone except for you. Maybe mat leave isn’t as exciting as you thought it would be and you haven’t been able to make it to one mommy group so you’re feeling like a bit of a failure and then when you finally do make it you hate it so now you’re feeling like a freak too. Maybe you’re an entrepreneur and have decided to try to go back to work, and maybe you love your work and love feeling productive and busy but it simultaneously feels crappy because you know you should want to be at home with your baby, and maybe your friends and your family tell you those things too. Or maybe you’re an entrepreneur and you’ve tried to get work done but there’s very little productivity and you’re worried about how to figure everything out financially while also wondering when you’ll be emotionally or mentally ready to let your baby be cared for by someone else and triple stressed and worried that both things won’t line up.
Logistically, caring for a baby absolutely does get easier. You’ll know your baby’s routines, cries, cues, expressions and the two of you will most likely be getting on just fine. But getting to know your baby better doesn’t necessarily mean things get easier. As baby gets bigger, they’re awake longer and their needs become bigger and their cries become louder and now you’ve probably had four to eight weeks of interrupted sleep patterns, which in the past actually was used as a way to torture people so sleep deprivation and its detrimental, yucky effects on our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing is absolutely real. The relationship with yourself has shifted, the relationships between you and those around you are also shifting and being re-negotiated; your whole life has changed and month two is typically when things have levelled out and we’re coming out of the fog of month one; maybe for the first time we’re understanding, processing, coming to terms with everything that happened, we begin to see clearly exactly where we’re at and what we’ve grown and what we’re left with, and maybe even looking forward and anticipating what might come next, for better or for worse.
All while caring for our precious, beautiful yet quite needy and non-verbal newborn. It’s tough.
So take this not as a warning, but as a warm compassionate smile and an understanding virtual hug if things do feel tough in month two. If there are still tears, if there is still physical pain and healing, if it doesn’t feel any ‘easier’, know that you’re not alone and you’re right on track. You’re right where you should be, and you’re perfect, and I’m here for you and so are a lot of other people.
I’ve linked some resources down below for you to take a peek at in hopes that one or two of them might feel good for you and perhaps support you as you navigate month two.
Know it absolutely will get better, know that you’re doing a great job, and know that I love you and I’ve got your back and I’m here to help any way that I can.
“Once we’re in the swing of things it’ll be good,” or “It’ll just take a few days to figure out and then we’ll have our bearings.”
Sometimes I hear those things from families and sometimes they’re true -- except when they’re not.
This is not meant to be a video to scare anyone, discourage anyone, shame anyone or pretend that I can tell your future. This is a topic that I’ve been encouraged to mention and speak about by past clients to create a little bit of solidarity cross-care in the chances that someone in the future that I’m supporting could use to hear a message from clients and families from the past that I’ve supported.
And their message, our message is this: sometimes having a baby doesn’t get easier after a month. Sometimes there are tongue-ties that go undiscovered for weeks and are discovered in week six or seven once baby tries to take a bottle for the first time, or maybe they’re not as sleepy or content to sleep alone and all of a sudden want to be velcro-ed to you, or maybe you gave birth in late fall and were able to enjoy walks the first four weeks and then winter rolls in with huge thunderstorms and you’re stuck at home for weeks with no way to leave safely or comfortably. Maybe your partner goes back to work and life seems to go ‘back to normal’ for everyone except for you. Maybe mat leave isn’t as exciting as you thought it would be and you haven’t been able to make it to one mommy group so you’re feeling like a bit of a failure and then when you finally do make it you hate it so now you’re feeling like a freak too. Maybe you’re an entrepreneur and have decided to try to go back to work, and maybe you love your work and love feeling productive and busy but it simultaneously feels crappy because you know you should want to be at home with your baby, and maybe your friends and your family tell you those things too. Or maybe you’re an entrepreneur and you’ve tried to get work done but there’s very little productivity and you’re worried about how to figure everything out financially while also wondering when you’ll be emotionally or mentally ready to let your baby be cared for by someone else and triple stressed and worried that both things won’t line up.
Logistically, caring for a baby absolutely does get easier. You’ll know your baby’s routines, cries, cues, expressions and the two of you will most likely be getting on just fine. But getting to know your baby better doesn’t necessarily mean things get easier. As baby gets bigger, they’re awake longer and their needs become bigger and their cries become louder and now you’ve probably had four to eight weeks of interrupted sleep patterns, which in the past actually was used as a way to torture people so sleep deprivation and its detrimental, yucky effects on our mental, emotional and physical wellbeing is absolutely real. The relationship with yourself has shifted, the relationships between you and those around you are also shifting and being re-negotiated; your whole life has changed and month two is typically when things have levelled out and we’re coming out of the fog of month one; maybe for the first time we’re understanding, processing, coming to terms with everything that happened, we begin to see clearly exactly where we’re at and what we’ve grown and what we’re left with, and maybe even looking forward and anticipating what might come next, for better or for worse.
All while caring for our precious, beautiful yet quite needy and non-verbal newborn. It’s tough.
So take this not as a warning, but as a warm compassionate smile and an understanding virtual hug if things do feel tough in month two. If there are still tears, if there is still physical pain and healing, if it doesn’t feel any ‘easier’, know that you’re not alone and you’re right on track. You’re right where you should be, and you’re perfect, and I’m here for you and so are a lot of other people.
I’ve linked some resources down below for you to take a peek at in hopes that one or two of them might feel good for you and perhaps support you as you navigate month two.
Know it absolutely will get better, know that you’re doing a great job, and know that I love you and I’ve got your back and I’m here to help any way that I can.