Why Everyone Needs A Therapist
When I first began creating this roadmap, this was one of the topics that I was most excited about including because I think its value is so underrated. I’ve worked with an uncountable number of people who have told me over and over again, I wish that I had been encouraged or nudged to talked to someone sooner. So if you’ve been waiting for a nudge or a sign or the last straw, let me be that.
Full disclosure before we even begin: I am not the person to tell you if you need a therapist, a psychologist, a psychotherapist, a social worker, a shrink, a whomeber but I do know the value in talking with someone when things get hard.
There are two big, fat, wrong ideas when it comes to seeing a therapist that I want to squash right here and right now that I think will be most helpful.
The first is that a birther or a primary caretaker needs to talk to someone when they’re feeling sad or having a hard time coping. Typically we imagine a weepy mother, someone who’s down or blue, maybe someone who isn’t enjoying being a parent, someone who’s having a hard time adjusting to their new life, who doesn’t want to go out, run-down, exhausted, unhappy, frustrated. Yes, absolutely, that person could probably benefit talking to someone, but that is not the only picture of someone who could benefit. Anxiety is one of the most common feelings that I hear about from clients and it can make it tough for them to sleep, to connect with their partner, to connect with their baby, to unwind, to leave their baby with anyone while they rest/do errands/take some ‘me’ time, to connect with other primary caretakers or new mothers, manage their feelings, and the list goes on. Anxiety is an undercurrent of worry, fear, nervousness and/or unrest, sometimes a feeling that nothing is ever good enough, that the summit of the mountain will never be in sight, that there’s simply not enough time or energy to do all the things that ‘should’ or ‘need’ to be done. Those feelings can sometimes be managed with the support of a partner, family, friends but they’re also really great signs that it might be a good idea to chat with a professional about them. Sometimes there are external factors that make it particularly difficult, like in winter when families are more housebound, living in spaces with limited natural light, if the partner is away either part-time or full-time for work, or if there isn’t an extensive support system in place that is able to physically or emotionally step in when you need a break. Another big misconception about the picture we have about the sad, down caretaker is that the baby is little. We often don’t imagine them as having a six month old, eight month old, eleven month old that is crawling, eating solids, sleeping through the night. Sometimes everything is amazing at the beginning, for the first six or eight months, but as the date approaches to go back to work, anxiety begins to mount and time feels like it’s running out. Some parents dread first birthdays or the six-month mark because they symbolize separation from their baby and being forced into doing something that feels wrong or against their instincts. None of these are feelings to push down or ignore or get over, but definitely ones to sort out with friends, loved ones and in a lot of cases, a professional. These issues don’t tend to need weeks and months of counselling but sometimes two, three, four sessions is all that someone needs to get some perspective, some tools for coping and some support from someone who is physically and emotionally removed from the situation.
When I first began creating this roadmap, this was one of the topics that I was most excited about including because I think its value is so underrated. I’ve worked with an uncountable number of people who have told me over and over again, I wish that I had been encouraged or nudged to talked to someone sooner. So if you’ve been waiting for a nudge or a sign or the last straw, let me be that.
Full disclosure before we even begin: I am not the person to tell you if you need a therapist, a psychologist, a psychotherapist, a social worker, a shrink, a whomeber but I do know the value in talking with someone when things get hard.
There are two big, fat, wrong ideas when it comes to seeing a therapist that I want to squash right here and right now that I think will be most helpful.
The first is that a birther or a primary caretaker needs to talk to someone when they’re feeling sad or having a hard time coping. Typically we imagine a weepy mother, someone who’s down or blue, maybe someone who isn’t enjoying being a parent, someone who’s having a hard time adjusting to their new life, who doesn’t want to go out, run-down, exhausted, unhappy, frustrated. Yes, absolutely, that person could probably benefit talking to someone, but that is not the only picture of someone who could benefit. Anxiety is one of the most common feelings that I hear about from clients and it can make it tough for them to sleep, to connect with their partner, to connect with their baby, to unwind, to leave their baby with anyone while they rest/do errands/take some ‘me’ time, to connect with other primary caretakers or new mothers, manage their feelings, and the list goes on. Anxiety is an undercurrent of worry, fear, nervousness and/or unrest, sometimes a feeling that nothing is ever good enough, that the summit of the mountain will never be in sight, that there’s simply not enough time or energy to do all the things that ‘should’ or ‘need’ to be done. Those feelings can sometimes be managed with the support of a partner, family, friends but they’re also really great signs that it might be a good idea to chat with a professional about them. Sometimes there are external factors that make it particularly difficult, like in winter when families are more housebound, living in spaces with limited natural light, if the partner is away either part-time or full-time for work, or if there isn’t an extensive support system in place that is able to physically or emotionally step in when you need a break. Another big misconception about the picture we have about the sad, down caretaker is that the baby is little. We often don’t imagine them as having a six month old, eight month old, eleven month old that is crawling, eating solids, sleeping through the night. Sometimes everything is amazing at the beginning, for the first six or eight months, but as the date approaches to go back to work, anxiety begins to mount and time feels like it’s running out. Some parents dread first birthdays or the six-month mark because they symbolize separation from their baby and being forced into doing something that feels wrong or against their instincts. None of these are feelings to push down or ignore or get over, but definitely ones to sort out with friends, loved ones and in a lot of cases, a professional. These issues don’t tend to need weeks and months of counselling but sometimes two, three, four sessions is all that someone needs to get some perspective, some tools for coping and some support from someone who is physically and emotionally removed from the situation.